Changes
by damoon
Summary: It took me awhile to think about how to describe this story... Changes is set in 2030, where an Ikari Gendo tries to change himself and wishes to be welcomed in the life of the one person he had hurt the most.
1.

  
Disclaimer: I obviously don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion but we all know who does.  
Could it be Toei? No. DiC? No. Thank God... Gainax? Yup that's it.   
  
The story of a man who wants another chance and a change.  
  
Changes  
  
He sat on an old wooden park bench to rest up for a while. His destination was about an  
hour or two away and it had already taken him three hours to get to where he was now.  
He knew he could have taken the train or someone could have driven him there but he  
wanted to walk. It was his first day out in the sun after all and he welcomed its rays. He  
breathed in the fresh air. His hands were already beginning to tremble from what he had to  
do.  
  
Sometimes he was tempted to just turn back. He knew that he would not be welcomed  
when he got there but he also knew that if he did turn back, he would be running away.  
Which he realized long ago he had been doing most of his life. He knew it was time to  
face him.   
  
He looked at his watch, 18:00. If he kept his pace, he would be there in an hour and  
before it got really dark. He took in another deep breath, grabbed his suitcase and headed  
for the newer section of Tokyo 3.  
  
Things had certainly changed since he was here last. It was years ago when he still lived in  
that apartment. And they were still constructing the neighborhood. He put his suitcase  
down to rest for a bit. His age was getting up there and he could feel an upcoming pain on  
his legs and thighs. "I'm going to have a hell of a pain tomorrow," he said under his breath.  
He picked up his small suitcase again, only to be bumped into a little boy.   
  
The boy looked at him with scared brown eyes. "I...I'm sorry Mister... Um.. I was in a  
hurry," he said.  
  
He could feel the boy tremble when he placed his old wrinkled hand on his small  
shoulders. "It's all right, son," he said smiling.  
  
The boy smiled back relieved. "Sorry," the boy said again, bowing to him. "I was just  
running cause if I'm late for dinner again, my Papa's going to get mad."  
  
He watched the boy run the opposite direction and smiled to himself. That boy was the  
first person to actually talk to him since he began walking. It felt good to hear a voice and  
see a smile directed at him instead of just ignoring him like the others he had passed. He  
did not blame them though.No one really notices a man of his age anyway. He was like  
everyone else now and was lost in the crowd.  
  
And that was another thing that was new to him. There were actually people walking  
around. They were talking, laughing. They were everywhere. It seemed they were finally  
getting over the fact that those Angels weren't coming down anymore. It had been years  
now since the last one attacked and it was almost peaceful. There were still small battles  
going on, but they were easy battles. No one needed to be evacuated, no one needed to be  
in shelters, no one needed to be scared.   
  
He did not want to think about those things though, especially those Angels. It had been  
15 years. Fifteen long years that made him think about his whole pathetic and lonely life.  
Fifteen years of promising himself that someday, when he can smell the fresh air he  
missed, he would try to change everything.  
  
He dropped his suitcase. He was finally at his destination. It took him exactly one hour.  
One thing for sure, even at his old age he still got the knack for being on time. He had  
seen pictures of the place, so he knew exactly where it was. Acquaintances had given him  
the pictures about 2 years ago. The house stood tall on a small hill. It was a large 2 story  
brick home with white shutters and a white picket fence. It looked definitely peaceful and  
comfortable. He could hear voices from inside filled with laughter. A man's voice saying  
something. It was deeper now. More manly but he knew who it belonged to. He heard a  
woman's voice next. It sounded familiar.  
  
Again, he was reluctant. They sounded happy. Why interfere? But no. He cannot run  
away. Not now. Not ever again. He had to do this. He did not want to die without doing  
what he has planned to do.  
  
He opened the white fence slowly, walking towards the looming double black doors. "It's  
now or never," he said, pressing the doorbell. He wasn't expecting the door to be opened  
so quickly. It made him jump.  
  
"Sakura-chan! You're finally here!" A little girl with light brown pigtails squealed excitedly  
but quickly changed her happy expression to one of shock and surprise. "Umm.. um..  
You're not S... Sakura," she said.   
  
"No. I guess I'm not." He looked at the girl. The site of her made him smile a little. She  
looked about nine or so and was the exact image of both of them. He could see it. The  
blue eyes, her hair, her nose. It was everything.   
  
"Oh no. I did it again," she said, putting a small hand on her forehead, shaking her head.  
"Papa told me never to open the door to strangers and look what I did."  
  
"No...no, it's all right. Your Papa knows me."  
  
She looked up at him and her face brightened up. "Honto?" She put a hand on her heart  
and sighed, relieved. "I'm glad. How to you know my Papa?"  
  
He was about to answer. "I am um.. I am.. his" ~So he never told his daughter about me~  
he thought. ~It's just as well~   
  
"An? Who are you talking to? Aren't you going to let Sakura-chan in?"  
  
"It's not Sakura-chan, Mama. It's um... It's someone who knows Papa."  
  
"Well, by all means, be a good host and let them in. And go get your Papa in his office."  
  
"Hai." The girl opened the door wider. "You can come in, Sir. I'll go get my Papa." She  
bowed to him and ran inside a hallway.  
  
The woman's back was to him when he stepped inside. She was holding a baby in her  
arms and was calling after the little girl. "An! How many times do I have to tell you not to  
run around the house...." She sighed. "That girl never listens to me. Always her father. I'm  
sorry about that. An gets a little excited whenever someone comes over. Um... so you  
know my husband?" She turned around to look at him for the first time with a bright smile  
on her face like her daughter had earlier on but her smile quickly disappeared. "It's... it's.."  
She managed to say as she dropped the baby's bottle to the floor in her shock. "What are  
you doing here?" There was a tremble in her voice.  
  
The man remained calm. He could see that she was utterly terrified, angry, surprised at the  
same time. "Forgive me," he said in a low voice. "B.. but.." He wanted so badly to say the  
right thing but he could not find the right words. Just looking at her... It seemed like it  
took him back 15 years.   
  
She did not change much except that she looked more mature. She became a very  
beautiful woman he noticed. Her hair was styled shorter ~ that was the only thing  
different. The baby she held wiggled in her arms when she picked up the bottle. "It's OK  
Aki, don't cry." She kissed the baby's cheek but kept staring at him. "I don't know why  
you're here but you have to go." She shook her head not believing it. "This can't be..."  
  
"I... I have to see my so..."  
  
"No! Don't do this to us! Not now..."  
  
"Asuka, who is it?" That voice. His voice. It was coming from the hallway.  
  
She turned to the side turning her hot gaze away from him. She hugged the baby closer to  
her "Shinji..." she said, her voice trembling.  
  
"Papa, he's there see." An tugged at his black sweater and pointed at the man's direction.  
  
Shinji looked at Asuka questioningly and saw how troubled her face was. "Asuka..."  
  
Slowly, ever so slowly, he turned his head to see who it was. His eyes turned large from  
shock. He put his arm around the woman's shoulder and lifted up his daughter. "What...  
What are you doing here?" He asked in a voice that had a touch of anger.   
  
"Shinji..." The old man began.  
  
Shinji shook his head. "Don't. We settled this 15 years ago...."  
  
"Please..."   
"What do you want?" Shinji asked, trying to look away but he couldn't. After 15 long  
years he had the nerve to come and see him. "You were the one who told me not see you,  
remember? Why are you here? Why are you here?" He almost screamed.  
  
Asuka placed a hand on his chest. "It's all right," she whispered. "Just calm down."  
  
"Papa, why are you mad?" An asked, looking up at her father and then to the old man who  
stood by the spiral staircase. "Papa?"  
  
"If you give me a chance, I just want to say that... that... I was wrong... And I..."  
  
"Haven't you done enough? Haven't you seen what you've done to everyone you know?  
You can't just come back and say that you were wrong. It just doesn't work that way." He  
put his daughter down and opened the door. "You have to go. I.. I don't want this  
again..."  
  
"Shinji..." The old man started again. He looked at the man standing by the door that had  
anger all over his face. Fifteen years certainly had changed him also. He was taller  
now, mature, and had eyes that had seen it all. He stood there rigid by the door. He was  
not the scared little boy anymore. He spoke his mind and stood firm.  
  
"Papa, why are you making him leave? Aren't you his friend?"  
  
The old man watched the exchange looks of the man and the woman. They both looked at  
their daughter trying to find an explanation. But the old man spoke up for both of them. "I  
am not your father's friend." He said firmly, although with a hint of sadness. "He just knew  
me a long time ago." He looked down at the little girl whose face was full of confusion. "I  
am sorry I had disturbed you. I will be going." He said to the man who still held the door  
open for him. He touched the girl's cheek and picked up his suitcase. ~At least I tried... I  
can't blame them. I had done this. It was all me. ~  
  
He looked over at the woman carrying the baby that was now crying softly on her chest.  
He tried to say something... "Sorry I had frightened you," he said to her. She did not reply  
and he wasn't expecting her to. He stared down at his worn sneakers and walked outside.  
He looked up at the black sky. It was starless, bleak. It was perfect. The door closed  
behind him. He sighed. ~At least I got to see them~  
  
There was nothing he could no anymore. Shinji was right. He could not fix everything by  
admitting he was wrong. There needed to be something more. And that something more  
was still hard for him to do or to say.  
  
He stepped out of the gate, looking from left to right wondering if the house was near a  
park. It was the only place he could think of to go. He decided to go to the left. Hopefully  
it wouldn't be too far. He'll get some rest. He was awfully tired. His feet ached, his arms  
felt like they were about to fall off and he kept forcing his eyes to not close on him. He  
walked for blocks not finding anything but slowed a bit when he heard footsteps behind  
him.  
  
"Do you have a place to stay?"  
  
He dropped his suitcase, startled by the voice. There was no anger in the voice. Instead it  
sounded concerned. Concerned for him?  
  
"I... I was thinking of going to a park. There is one near here isn't there?"  
  
"It's about two more blocks," he answered. "If you turn right at the end of the street."  
  
The old man picked up the suitcase. It seemed he had been doing that all day. "Arigato."  
He said walking towards the direction of the park.  
  
"You're not really going to think I'm going to let you stay there are you?"  
  
"I don't want to trouble you. So, I will go."  
  
"You can't just show up and expect us to welcome you just like that.... But I can't let you  
just go off somewhere without no where to stay."  
  
"It is all right. You don't have to. I ca.."  
  
"I want to. And besides, An will not forgive me if I don't come back with you. She's in her  
curious stage. She always likes to see new people. She wants you to meet Sakura."  
  
"Sakura? Her best friend?"  
  
"You can say she's her cousin." He gave the old man a small quick smile, walking up to  
him to take his suitcase. "She's probably there now. She might look familiar to you."  
  
The old man followed behind him, not used to the fact that he had nothing to carry and  
was a bit glad that the extra weight was taken away from him. He was surprised at the  
actions of the younger man. No matter how long he lived he would probably never get  
used to kindness. And would always be surprised when it is directed towards him, no  
matter how minimal that kindness is. "You... you don't have to do this."  
  
"I already made up my mind. Once my mind is made up I don't back down on it. I am not  
the child that you know anymore. I never turn away someone that needs a place to stay  
because I know how it feels like without anywhere to go and no where to stay."  
  
"Shinji..."   
  
"You can stay with us until you find a place." He looked over his shoulder at the old man  
as they continued to walk silently home.   
  
"Are you tired?" He finally asked the old man when they arrived at the house again.  
  
The old man nodded.  
  
"I never meant to be so angry earlier tonight."  
  
"I do not blame you."  
  
"I'll prepare the guestroom for you," he said opening the door of the house.  
  
"Papa, you're back! And you're here too!" The old man found himself being hugged tightly  
by a little girl who still did not loose her exuberant energy. "By the way, what's your  
name?"  
  
Again the old man was surprised. What can he say to her? Her parents did not even tell  
her about him.   
  
"It's Rokubungi." Shinji answered for him.  
  
The little girl smiled and bowed. "I am Ikari An. My brother's name is Aki but he's  
sleeping now and um... that's my cousin Sakura. But she's a little shy."  
  
The old man followed the direction of where An's head turned to. The other little girl with  
familiar brown eyes stared back at him from behind a wall. He was shocked at the  
resemblence. She had dark brown hair and pale white skin. "Sakura..." he said under his  
breath. It was like a mirror. Sakura looked exactly like her when she was six. She was six  
wasn't she? When... When.. I did... Except her hair color is different and the eyes. But yet,  
yet, those eyes are the same.  
  
"The guestroom is this way." Shinji said leading him up the spiral staircase.  
  
"Goodnight Rokubingi-san" The little girl called from the bottom of the stairs.  
  
"Goodnight An-san, Sakura-san" The old man replied, following Shinji to the second floor  
silently.  
There were pictures that hung on the walls of the hallway. There were paintings and  
flowers. Everything looked... looked comfortable. Nothing looked disregarded. It was  
nothing like his old apartment where it always seemed cold and bare. Even when it was  
full of furniture.  
  
"It's in here," the young man pointed to a door. He waited until the old man had caught up  
with him to open the door. "I know you want to rest. I'll fix up the bed quickly." They  
went inside a nice comfortable guestroom with a vase full of flowers on the window sill. It  
had cream carpeting and a dresser and a full bed. A bed that was being fixed by the red  
haired woman in a ponytail.  
  
"Asuka?" The younger man looked surprised.  
  
She patted the blanket one last time before looking at them. "I know you more than I  
know myself, baka Shinji. So I knew what you were going to do. That's why I fixed this  
room up so you didn't have to." The old man watched their exchange. The woman stuck a  
loose strand of hair behind her ear and smiled at her husband. "No need to thank me. It's  
your turn to take care of Aki tonight when he wakes up in the middle of the night."  
  
"Of course. But I'll thank you anyway."  
  
She smiled. "Well everything's done." She looked at the old man and back at her husband.  
"I'll um.. I'll be downstairs fixing up something for the girls."  
  
"OK, I'll be down in a minute."   
"Hai." The woman crossed the room and kissed her husband on the lips and went out  
quickly.  
  
"Have a good rest," he said to the old man. "When you feel hungry just come down to the  
kitchen and there will be food there."  
  
"You... you have a nice family." The old man remarked with a touch of sadness in his  
voice again. He sat on the bed and focused his attention on the carpet.  
  
"Yes. They are my life," he replied avoiding the old man's face by putting the tattered  
suitcase in the closet. "I always try to be the best father and husband." He turned to the  
old man. "If I don't see you later tonight, I'll see you in the morning. It seems An has  
taking a liking to you. So um... have a good rest. The bathroom is just down the hall. You  
won't miss it." He gave a quick bow and walked out.  
  
The old man stared at the door for a while and decided to let his body rest. The bed was  
comfortable. He relaxed his legs and back and sighed deeply. He did not plan his first day  
out in the sun to be this way but he was OK with it.  
  
"Yui, I will do my best," he whispered to himself tiredly, his eyes finally closing.  
  
Author's Notes:  
I revised this first chapter because I caught some errors. I haven't read many Gendo stories  
so that's why I decided to write this. Besides that, he's one of my favorite characters.  
  
  
  
  



	2. The Middle

Same old Disclaimer from Chapter one. NGE is owned by Gainax. You already know that.  
  
To every story, there is always a beginning. a middle and an end and maybe after that, a new   
beginning. So this of course, is the middle....  
  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Changes  
  
  
He had planned it all out in his head. He would pursue her, ask her out on a date. He knew about   
her plans and that organization that was backing her up. He was interested in it, almost obsessed   
with it. And he would do anything, even if it meant using this girl. He did not even meet her yet. He   
did not care though. Why would he care about some woman? They were all the same to him. No   
matter how intelligent they may be, they all end up being useless to him except to sleep around   
with so he could be satisfied.  
  
He asked around and found out that this 'Ikari' usually spent her free time in the garden area of   
Kyoto University. When he arrived there he found her sitting on a blanket that was spread out on   
the grass. She was writing and reading. There was something peaceful about the way she was just   
sitting there. He noticed that once in a while, she would close her eyes, take a deep breath and a   
small smile would form on her lips.   
  
"Are you Ikari? Ikari Yui?" He asked in a voice that was firm and emotionless.  
  
She looked up from her book using her hand to shade her eyes from the sun's rays. "Hai," she said with  
a slight smile. "And you are?"  
  
"Rokubungi." He stood there for a minute just staring at her, not knowing what he should do. She   
was slightly different from the women he was used to going out with and eventually using in the   
end. For one thing, her face looked welcoming.  
  
"Rokubungi-san, you're welcome to sit down if you want." She gave him another smile.  
She surprised him with her invitation but he took it. He sat as far away from her as possible on the   
blanket. She had a funny look on her face when he did that but she didn't give it much thought. It   
was just strange. "How do you know me, Rokubungi-san?"  
  
"I've heard about your ideas. Word has been going around."  
  
"Oh?" Again, another smile.  
  
He didn't know why he was holding back. All he had to do was make her think he was interested.   
Ask her out... but he couldn't. He didn't understand why. Why?  
  
It was only her that made him act different. To other people he still had a reputation for being an   
asshole. It was his attitude that started that brawl in the bar, causing Fuyutsuki to bail him out. Ikari   
had told him about the Sensei that was helping her and it seemed it was only the Sensei that he   
could call to bail him out. The sensei was the only one except Ikari that WOULD bail him out anyway.  
But he didn't want to call Ikari. He knew what Fuyutsuki thought of him. He could tell from the look   
the sensei gave him. He gave a slightly wicked smile knowing that.  
  
"Why did you do it?" She asked him later that day.  
  
"It's no big deal."  
  
"They arrested you. You got hurt. That's not a big deal? Look at your arm, your face..."  
  
"I've been in this situation before. It's not a big deal. I don't care."  
  
"I care Rokubungi-san because you are hurt." She tried to check on the wound by his lip but he   
moved away when he felt her touch on his face. "I told you already. I don't care. It doesn't matter.   
You don't have to do anything for me." He said roughly. "I am fine."  
  
"I don't want to do anything for you. I am doing this because I want to." She answered him. "So just   
let me do what I want." She took his face in her hand and began to clean his bruise.  
  
"I don't know why you do this... I don't know why..."  
  
"It's because I care Rokubungi-san. Why is it so hard for you to understand that?"  
  
"Because no one ever did this for me before."  
  
***************  
  
He woke up a little after one in the morning and was still extremely tired but his stomach ached for   
food. He got out of bed and searched for the light switch. He squinted when the light filled up the   
room not being used to it yet. He looked at himself in the mirror that hung on the door. It was the first time  
he actually looked at himself since he got out. He was nothing much to look at anymore. His hair   
was white, his pants were wrinkled from his sleep and the shirt he wore hung loose on his now gangly   
frame. He put his glasses on, sighed and walked out.   
  
The house was dark now. The only light was from a small lamp that was against the wall at the end   
of the hallway. He found himself passing a couple of closed doors. The little girl's bedroom... a sign   
with her name on it hung on a nail. Then the nursery.... a sign with the name "Aki" also hanging from   
a nail and then he passed another bedroom whose door was partly opened.  
  
"I can't believe he's here with us," he heard the woman say. "What did they say when you called?"  
  
"They said he's sick. It's why they let him go."  
  
"Maybe I'm selfish but I don't want him here. I don't feel comfortable with him here. I don't want him   
to talk to our kids... I just don't..."  
  
"You know me, Asuka. I can't just let him go somewhere without a place to stay. I can't just let him   
leave like that because I am not like him. He left me when I was four. He just left me there at the   
train station and walked away. I was calling for him. I was crying because he was leaving. He could   
hear me cry but he didn't even turn back. I was fuckin' four years old and that damn memory will   
always be playing in my head. Over and over again. I don't think I'll ever forget it. He left me there   
with nothing but a suitcase. I hate him so much. But I realized I will be doing the same thing he did   
to me if I hadn't followed him and brought him back here. And I am not like him."  
  
"Baka, you will never be like him..."  
  
The old man did not want to hear anymore. It wasn't his business anyway. He shouldn't have been   
eavesdropping. It was so hard for him to hear those things. His body felt stiff and empty. He knew   
that his presence was hurting them. He knew that all he had to do was take his suitcase and leave   
forever and never see them again. His presence only made them miserable. But he just couldn't. He   
could not let himself leave without telling them. That was his mantra. He kept telling himself over   
and over again that he can't leave. Not leave! He too remembered that day. It played vivid in his   
old mind. Always when the old man thought about him, it was always back in that train station   
where it really all began.....  
  
"Papa, where are you going?"  
  
"You will stay here until Makino-sensei takes you."  
  
"Papa don't leave. I'll be good."  
  
"I have to work. I will be too busy to take care of you."  
  
"Papa don't leave like Mama. Papa, Papa don't leave. Papa, you don't have to take care of me.   
I'll be a good child. Just don't leave. Papa..."  
  
He walked away leaving that child there. He could hear him cry but didn't turn around. It didn't   
pain him to do so. He didn't care. The one person that loved him, that understood him, left. And he  
would do anything, ANYTHING to get her back. The one person that he opened up to was gone.   
No way was he ever going to do that again. Even to that child. She was the only one he cared   
about, that cared about him and he wanted to be with her.  
  
That child. That child won't care. Besides, he wasn't used to anyone else loving him except for her.   
He didn't want anyone else to love him. Especially that child. He was afraid. He knew it. Afraid the   
child might do the same thing. So he left. It was the last time the child had ever called him, "Papa".  
He wasn't used to being called that anyway, for he never called anyone that when he was a  
child.  
  
The old man ate his food quietly, listening to the hum of the fridge and the small noises of the   
house. He looked around the large kitchen. There were magnets on the freezer, a large display of   
An's drawings on the fridge, a recipe for curry, a shopping list, a family picture of them in an   
amusement park... It was just like any normal kitchen and it was that normality that made him feel   
lonely and lost in a place he didn't belong. He wasn't used to it. Seeing all those things just made   
him feel odd. Especially the pictures.   
  
There were pictures everywhere. They all looked so happy. There were pictures of everyone he   
knew. Fuyutsuki, Agaki, Katsuragi, Ibuki... Then there was a picture of a man in a wheelchair.   
Looking at it closely, he could see that it was that child. The Fourth Children, who was injured   
because of him. The man had no arm and no leg but he looked happy too. A child sat on his lap   
and a brown haired woman stood behind his wheelchair smiling.   
  
There was no trace of the old man in those pictures that hung on the walls or inside photo albums.   
And again, he was expecting it. They hated him. The little girl didn't even know who he really was.   
She only knew him as Rokubungi. That had hurt him too. Right when Shinji had said it, it felt like a   
cold wind went through him. ~But I did this. I did all this~  
  
"Rokubungi-san? You look sad." From across the dining table a pair of large blue eyes stared at him.   
The girl rubbed her eyes sleepily. "Why are you sad?"  
  
"It is nothing," he answered. "Why are you awake?"  
  
"I'm hungry like you." She got off the chair and took a cookie from a plate on top of the oven.  
  
"I was wondering who that cookie was for." The old man said to her.  
  
"Papa always leaves me something because he knows I wake up at this time, to look for something   
to eat."  
  
"That's nice of him."  
  
"Just as long as I brush my teeth afterward." The little girl came up to him curiously.   
  
"What is it?" he asked.  
  
She broke her cookie in half and gave him the other piece. "Rokubungi-san, even if you tell me that   
you aren't. I can still see that you are sad. So this is for you, OK? So you won't be so sad. Papa made   
it, so it's good. Papa makes better cookies than Mama." She leaned in closer to whisper in his   
ear. "But don't tell Mama that."  
  
The old man smiled at this. "I won't tell. I promise."  
  
"OK," the little girl yawned. "I'm gonna sleep now."  
  
"All right."  
  
"Don't tell Mama"  
  
"I won't"  
  
"Are you still sad?"  
  
"No."  
  
"I still think you are."  
  
"Then maybe I am."  
  
"Then hopefully you won't be soon."  
  
"I hope so."  
  
"Rokubungi-san?"  
  
"Hmmm?"  
  
"Do you have any kids? I mean, if you do, they can come over and play."  
  
"I umm..." The old man wasn't expecting this from the child. She really was curious wasn't she? And   
observant and inquisitive.... "They are old now... So I'm afraid they can't play with you."  
  
"I see. What are their names? Is one of them named An? Are they all boys or all girls or a girl and a   
boy?"   
  
He had to look away from this girl. What can he say? What can he say? He started out slowly. "Well,   
um... I have a daughter that's named Rei."  
  
The girl's sleepy eyes turned large. "Like Sakura-chan's Mama." She whispered to herself.   
  
The old man heard this though and wondered why he's telling her this. Rei... He wondered what she is   
like now, who she is married to... If only he can change everything he did to her also. "And I have   
a son named Sh..."  
  
"An. It's late. You need to go to bed." He startled them both. His voice was calm but the old man   
can see that his eyes were portraying something else.   
  
"But..but Papa..." The little girl looked at her father and sighed. "Oh all right. I'm sleepy anyway..."  
  
Shinji waited until An was out of ear shot to speak again. "I can't believe you almost told her your   
son's name after all these years, of not even regarding him as a son. I can't believe you actually   
told her that you have a daughter named Rei."  
  
"She won't know, even if I told her your names. There are a lot of people named Shinji, a lot are   
named Rei... I know you don't want her to know. But I don't want to lie to her."  
  
"Why not? You've been lying all your life. Betraying people and using them. You used Rei. You made   
her into someone that was emotionless. You made her your doll. And yet you consider her your   
daughter?"   
  
"I regret everything I did." The old man said, standing up. "I was selfish. I was wrong. I realized that a   
long time ago." He put a hand on his heart. "Shinji, I regret everything... I am... I am..." All of a   
sudden, he felt so tired. The old man wanted to walk up to him but his legs were very, very heavy.   
Like he couldn't even walk, couldn't move, couldn't feel....  
  
**********  
  
It was autumn. It was a season that he liked and he didn't like many things. He liked to see the   
colors. The reds, the yellows, the oranges. He liked the wind too. It was soft and welcoming. He liked   
the feel of it when it hit his skin. He didn't like to admit it but he was happy. It was a feeling he   
hardly knew.   
  
She was waiting for him in Kyoto University's garden. The place they first met. His plans from the   
beginning were completely forgotten now. Although, he still didn't know why this girl had an affect   
on him. He wasn't used to the feelings he was feeling for her. She was still young. The total opposite   
of him. She was kind and he was not. She was always so full of life and he always seemed to be   
surrounded by dark clouds. But being with her, he lost his tough shell. She made him feel so at ease.   
Like he belonged and not fear that he'll be alone. "Ikari," he said. "These are for you."  
  
She took the flowers he gave her and smiled at him. A smile that was still welcoming and very   
beautiful. "Arigato, Rokubungi-san..."  
  
To be continued...   
  
  



	3. The End ~ Part 1

Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion is owned by Gainax of course but all of you already  
know that.  
  
Hi all! Ha, I'm pretty sure you didn't miss me but yes, here is the "End" part of my little  
story. I had this done awhile ago but I was just too lazy to type it. Hate it. Like it.   
But I hope you take the time to read it.   
  
CHANGES: Chapter 3   
The End ~ Part 1  
  
It was strange. He kept telling himself over and over again because why was he feeling this  
way? He was mesmerized by her though he hated to admit it. Try as he might, he could  
not shut his emotions out when he was around her like he could do for other people. He  
could not hurt her even if he tried. No one ever treated him with such kindness before.  
And she said she cared right?  
  
"You know what?" She asked looking up at him.  
  
They walked down the mainstreet of an amusement park. It was late afternoon, the wind  
was softly blowing sakura in every direction. He didn't really respond to her just yet. He  
held her hand and squeezed it for her to know that he had heard her. He was  
really...hmm...he really liked her. She was so nice, so welcoming, so everything... "What is  
it?" He finally said.   
  
They stopped walking. She let go of his hand and walked in front of him with a smile on  
her face. She ran her hand through her short brown hair and blushed slightly. "You should  
smile more often, Rokubungi-san."  
  
He was surprised. He wasn't expecting her to say that at all. "Huh?" he said dumbfounded.   
  
"You should smile more often, you look nice when you do."  
  
This time it was his turn to blush. His face felt hot and his heart began to beat faster. It  
was only her that can make him do such a thing. He smiled a little while trying to hide his  
shyness.   
  
She giggled at his actions. "You're kawaii, Rokubungi-san. Maybe you shouldn't hide it so  
often to other people."  
  
"I can't help it," he replied.   
  
"Why?" she asked innocently.   
  
He wanted to tell her, yet he didn't want to. She could never really understand all the  
suffering he went through growing up. Unlike him, she had grown up happy. With a  
father and a mother and with memories that made her smile often. He would sit beside her  
at times and for reasons unknown to him, she would sometimes have this serene smile on  
her face... *How he missed that*.... He looked back to face her again shaking his head.  
"Umm.. It's... it's nothing really."  
  
"It's alright. I understand."  
  
She didn't let him explain that day about his past. She could tell that it was too hard for  
him to do so and it was OK to her. She understood. That shocked him. She took his hand  
in hers and smiled warmly up at him. She said nothing else after that but everything she did  
had that welcoming feeling he always wanted and needed. She was always so warm.   
  
****  
The old man opened his eyes squinting from the bright light. Although he could not move  
his body nor his head, he knew where he was. He has not seen the place for a long time.   
It was this place where he last saw the sunlight. And now he was back. The place was still  
bare, yet it didn't feel cold like it used to be.   
  
He tried to say something but nothing came out. He knew someone was there with him  
but they were standing in his blind spot so he could not see. He grunted softly instead.  
Hopefully they would notice that he was awake. But no one came to his side. Maybe no  
one was in there with him after all. Maybe it was just his imagination. He sighed and  
looked up at the ceiling. He hated this place.   
  
Then he felt a warm touch on his wrist. It felt for a pulse. But when he focused his eyes on  
the dark haired woman in a white doctor's coat, she had turned away from him to check  
his I.V. He tried to say something to her... "A..A..gaki..."  
  
She turned around slowly, he watched her write something down on her clipboard. She  
was older now, just like him, like everyone. Her hair was brown again and for some reason  
she looked more like her mother. She looked at him with expressionless eyes and when he  
tried to say something again, she quickly turned away from him and left in a hurry.   
  
He sighed and closed his eyes. He was alone. He was used to that.  
  
****  
"Do you have any feelings for me?" She asked without looking at him. She sat up on the  
bed and put her head on her hands. Her short dyed blond hair, covering her face.   
  
He didn't answer her. He kept silent. She already knew the answer anyway.  
  
****  
  
"You used her..."  
  
He looked at his bandaged hands. "Yes, I know. I had too. I had no other way." He said  
grabbing his head. It was that voice again. It was her voice.  
  
"But she loved you. She wanted you to care."  
  
"I couldn't care. I didn't want to care."  
  
He wanted it to stop. He wanted to think about anything but the past. He was comfortable  
just sitting there in his dark cell.. hating everyone and himself.   
  
But the voice was making him listen. Even when she's gone he couldn't help but be weak  
to her. She was the only one who can do that to him.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because..." he said, with his voice trailing.  
  
"Why?" The voice asked again. "Why, Why, Why, Why, Why?"  
  
He covered his ears so the voice would stop. It disturbed him. "Stop it" he said. "Please  
stop!"  
  
"Why, why, why?" It continued.  
  
Over and over again it asked. Why was he cruel? Why couldn't he care? Why couldn't he  
have feelings for her? For him? For everyone?  
  
"It's because... It's because they are not you.." he finally said with a deep sigh. "You're the  
only one that I can care about. It's no use denying it. I wanted to be with you. You're the  
only one that understood. You're the only one. You're the only one that cared."  
  
"There are others that care, if you let them."  
  
"I don't want them to care."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because they are not you.:"  
  
"Is that why you put that thing in your hand?"  
  
"Yes, to be with you."  
  
"Is that why you created her?"  
  
"Yes, to be with you."  
  
"But you used her too."  
  
"I did. It was because of..."  
  
"Did you even care?"  
  
"I... I wanted to be with you."  
  
"So you hurt others just to be with me?"  
  
"Yes"  
  
"He wanted you to care"  
  
"Yes"  
  
"You closed yourself to him. You are afraid."  
  
"Stop it please. It is over."  
  
"Is it too painful?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Do you feel regret?"  
  
He closed his eyes putting his head on his hands. "Stop it. I don't want to hear it  
anymore."  
  
"It is troubling you. You are regreting it. But you don't want to hear it. It pains you but  
you don't want to listen. You're hurting..."  
  
"I... I just wanted to be with you. You understood. You welcomed me when no one did.  
You cared when no one did. You smiled when no one did." He kept on, still covering his  
face with his hands. He knew was being pathetic now. But it was the truth.   
  
"There are many that would welcome you if you gave them a chance."  
  
"It is not the same. They are not you."  
  
"But I'm gone."  
  
"Not in my heart." He whispered. "All I wanted was just to be with you. You don't know  
how much I wanted to be with you. But it doesn't matter now. It is over."  
  
"It doesn't have to be over..."  
  
****  
"They told me about you. They said that you have... ummm... they said that you were  
sick. How come you didn't mention it? Ritsuko-san told us also."   
  
"It is not important" He said in a whisper. It was the loudest his voice could go.   
  
"You've been here since Saturday."  
  
The old man looked at him. So he has been in the NERV hospital for two days now and  
all that time the past kept coming back to him. It disturbed him to think about it.  
  
Shinji stood still looking down at him. He didn't say another word. Like he was unsure  
what to really do.   
  
"I am OK," the old man said. "I am just tired."  
  
"You shouldn't have walked all the way here. Someone could have taken you."  
  
"I didn't want that."  
  
'Why not?"  
  
"Because I wanted to do it for myself. I wanted to see everything..." It was hard for him to  
talk. Everything ached. It seemed like he was a hundred years old. But why was Shinji  
asking anyway? Was he concerned? Was he worried? Still no sign of emotion showed  
through his voice nor his face. "I wanted..." the old man continued slowly. He smiled  
inwardly. His reason for what he did a few days before was slightly amusing now. "Just  
wanted to see the sun." he finished... but his voice became too soft for Shinji to hear fully.  
The old man noticed a crease on the young man's forehead. He knew that Shinji did not  
hear him but Shinji kept silent.   
  
He was going to continue to speak. To tell Shinji something. He did not want the young  
man to go and leave him alone again. "I'm.. I'm glad... I got.. I got.." he began slowly  
again.  
  
He was not able to finish though. The sudden opening of the hospital room startled them  
both.  
  
"Shinji-kun! Come quickly! It's Ask..." A familiar voice, he noticed. It belonged to  
Katsuragi but he did not get to see her.  
  
  
"Asuka" Shinji said almost to himself. The old man can see worry in the younger man's  
eyes now. "Asuka...." Shinji repeated. "Misato-san?" He turned away from the old man.  
He didn't wait for the woman's answer as he quickly made his way out the door.  
  
Continued in Part 2  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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